November was utter madness.
12/10/2025
Ugh, looking back at my first post I have done zero writing! To be fair I did start a job, but I only lasted two weeks. Turns out my fibromyalgia had zero intention of cooperating with a retail job. I was worried about that, but the amount of hurt I felt was more than expected since I’ve actually been doing quite well generally! Not to mention the overstimulation as well, its like I continued hearing the chatter of the long customer line and beeps of the scanner even after I leave. So than it plays into the pain issues by effectively reducing my sleep. I felt bad that I finally got a job and then it was just not going to work out. The place seemed okay, but it did suck that there were no real breaks and once I learned the register I was pretty much planted there and….stayed there 5-6 hours with maybe a few minutes to run to the bathroom. Then they basically did everything I had asked them not to do (I don’t want to work more than 5 hrs, not work late at night). I on paper would be there to a certain hour but ended up staying over an hour and a half sometimes because we can’t leave until the store is clean. Initially I did cleaning and stocking and that was much better. My body just feels better when I keep moving rather than standing in place. I FEEL OLD! *cries in millennial + chronic pain* Appreciate your health / youth where you have it. I wish I had more so before I began having fibro issues in 2023. I tell you its weird to have chronic illness and not look ill. At all.
I just got over the flu which pretty much hit me right after I was recovering from working retail. Finally I have my brain back. However, I’m quite drawn to computing subjects at the moment and I’m waiting on an sd card reader so I can try modding my 3DS! For the moment I’m just going to try to feel a bit more normal and I’ll decide what to focus on from there. I have been missing all my hobbies the past 4 weeks. I was studying Japanese, still dabbling in Comptia A+, writing, working on a virtual portfolio for my art, and who knows. This. I will steer away from retail, but I’ll keep looking for something more office-like.
On the brighter side, I am very happy with Linux Mint on my laptop. It has some quirks with my 2 monitor set-up, but the performance over Windows 11 is SO much better. I still have some software and games I need to attempt to run, but I’ll get to it when I am feeling up for it. I use a program from Dreamtonics which is akin to Vocaloid, but has no Linux distribution. There seems to be alternative ways to attempt to run Windows programs but it’s sorta wonky as some solutions don’t work for everyone. However if it doesn’t work that’s okay. I’ll just hold on to my stuff until I get a pc in the future that can run it again. The make or break for me was RPG Maker MV as I’m making my virtual museum project in there where my art hangs in a little museum the main character can check out. I’ll make a cool post about that sometime. Maybe someone will have interesting input since I don’t really have anyone to chat with about that. I know I’m mainly making it for myself as I always wanted a way to view my old work that doesn’t feel as lifeless as looking through a digital folder with pngs, but I’m not one to enjoy having my own art hang in my room either. A virtual museum feels like a happy medium that keeps it together and yet the experience of it feels novel in itself.
First Entry!
11/02/2025
--On the topic of creative writing.
So for a while I was wrestling with the idea of writing at Substack, but honestly I am turned off by the part that feels so much like fake networking. The notes on there might as well be tweets. I don't know, I've never enjoyed twitter. I used to like Insta, but it began to roll downhill as I realized it began to be a source of stress instead of being inspiring. It made me feel guilty for not being as productive as everyone else, not living life like everyone else, and I need to post things to prove ...well I don't actually know haha! I'll let you know I've been far more at peace since I deleted the app years ago. Admittedly I was lazy to close my account, but I finally did after running into old friends that asked 'what happened? I haven’t seen you post' or ‘Did you get my message on IG?’ How dare I not post, but it made me realize I should at least close it so people don't assume I'm ignoring them.
Anyway back to Substack.
I did post some short fiction over at Substack, but I haven't bothered going back after a few posts. I had to make sure my writing stays short and promote myself replying to random notes. 'Haha I'm new too!', 'Check out my first post!'. It feels so fake and it has the same follow for follow practice like other platforms. Yeah, thanks random, for pretending to read my blog that one time and I’ll pretend to read your blog. I mainly tried Substack since I'm struggling to find a job right now. Although it seems like the type of platform that will take a long time to actually make any money. I don't have any followers from any other places. I deleted my IG and an old wordpress blog from ages ago. I don't regret IG though. I'll at least make the effort for my short fiction idea. I do like that part and I can post it here if I can't bother with Substack.
However, I'm looking forward to focusing on drafting my novel during November. I finally found a decent strategy to write which has been my hurdle for ages. Not to mention losing my work MULTIPLE TIMES in the past. I was inspired by solo rpgs in my approach to drafting. When I saw that people kept light notes about their game play and when I tried it out it dawned on me 'this the method I need!' My thoughts go too fast so trying to write a novel feels akin to playing a MMO game with tons of lag. The NPCs and your party are leaving me behind because I was too busy trying to describe a scene. So if I use some shorthand and write without worrying so much about it sounding coherent at all to anyone else, I can get into the flow. ADHD is a weird hurdle in front of the most mundane things I swear. I'm doing this with a fountain pen and paper lol. My notes on world-building are digital as initially I thought I would be typing and these notes go back years. I was doing the solo RPG (Iron Valley) with pen and paper and I enjoyed it, so I thought it would suit my drafting.
I had started drafting in this manner earlier this year, July maybe, but I been pretty inconsistent. So I plan to really throw myself into it for November. I joined a challenge that Heart Breathing has since NaNoWriMo (National Novel writing month) disappeared for some reason. I don't know the tea behind that organization, but Heart has some inspiring videos so it makes it feel less alone in the effort. I do have sticky notes on a poster board for plotting, but I find in drafting, I made some turns I didn't foresee!
Hope you visitors are well and thanks for reading! If you wish to leave a message post in the guest book.
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